Interruptus Orgasmous

Finally, a break to write and hang out with my friends ūüôā . I have been studying non-stop, and passed my third license. Three down, four to go! ¬†Funny and stressful story to tell you about the test. ¬†To take the tests, I drive a little over an hour to sit in a sterile, robot operated and silent (dead silence) computer lab for a test with an hour and 15 minute time limit. ¬†All three have yet to take me that total time. This morning, I was up at 5 am to squeeze in a little more studying. Leave the house at 6 am, get gas, and mosey my way an hour to my favorite testing center (I will admit, the ladies that work it are extremely wonderful). ¬†I carefully choose my noise cancelling headphones, steered by one of the robots¬†ladies to my computer, lucky number 5. Then it happens…. Interruptus orgasmous, coitus, testus. ¬†The lights flash and the computer glitches (I kid you not, no exaggeration), and a warning screen pops up. Program can’t save. Are you joking? Am I losing it? Are my leftover stress tears from the drive still clouding¬†my vision? Arms starting popping up all over the lab. Stressed. Frantic. Worried. And the robots ladies were on the phone, as quickly as the lights flashed. 20 minutes, that’s how long I had to wait until I could resume my test. ¬†Obviously, seeing as I am not currently in a drunken stupor, I passed.

You are probably wondering what that story had to do with my title. Here is¬†the real gossip. I have spent my days studying, uptight and tense. ¬†The other day, I was fading and quickly. ¬†The perfect solution popped into my mind… Home Alone. Not the MaCaulay Culkin classic or theme to my life. But the fun little gem that every girl needs to keep in her bedside table.

Side note: I am surprisingly somewhat of a prude. I tend to shy away from these sort of topics. But hey, who are you going to tell… Right?

The Home Alone. A silent, rechargeable, waterproof gem from God. Laying in bed, pulling out my gem for an afternoon delight. Out of nowhere, I hear a door close and voices. A little too close for comfort, way too close to be coming from a neighbors. ¬†I trip over myself to hide put away my gem to investigate. I open the door to my garage, and my contractor (Mr. Fix-It) is standing in my garage (25 feet away from my bedroom I must add). ¬†I’m dumbfounded.

To say the least, I was tightly wound and had no outlet thanks to Mr. Fix-It. ¬†I did what any self-respecting prude would do. Found things to keep myself busy. I discussed the never-ending fence with Mr. Fix-It, played the part of the pooper scooper, the green-thumbed gardener that waters plants, and ate corn nuts. ¬†Of course nothing helped, nothing cures interruptus orgasmous. ¬†Well there is one thing that cures it, the big ‘O. ¬†A cure that was not to befall me on that day. This single girl has had many years to improve upon stuffing down hoity-toity non-prude needs. A guy friend told me today that I need to find a guy to unwind my tightly wound…. insides.

What did I have to show for my day?  Watered plants, no more dog poop, additional studying, and shoved down desires.

I hate to say it, but I have to go. I’ve been up late too many nights in a row this week and I have a leftover #Cookout milkshake in the freezer. ¬†And as always, #GossipGirl is distracting me! ¬†Until next time…



Holding on or Letting go

Phew, what a week! Second license done for my new career path, and two to go! I can do this, I really can. This evening was the perfect way to end my week! Girls night of the best kind; laughing from the moment I got there, all the way to the end. ¬†I met new #PureBarre friends and got to know some better. ¬†And they got to know me, knowing that this blog exists. ¬†My plan to end this wonderful evening was to drink my way through a couple of the bars with J and some other friends. ¬†I decided that B&J’s Cherry Garcia, blogging, and #GossipGirl was a much better idea!

I arrived home tonight to my bathroom trash strewn across the floor. ¬†My new damn foot thing destroyed, you know the one that effectively scrapes off all of nasty ass dead skin! ¬†It’s winter, my feet are gross from being dry – just like all of yours! ¬†Don’t worry, I still love you friends. ¬†After picking up all of the destroyed trash, and giving my dog the evil eye; I ceremoniously replaced my foot thing in its place. ¬†Yes, I kept it. I love it and I need it; I couldn’t get rid of it! ¬†It made me think of something… Do you ever keep things that you probably should just get rid of? ¬†There are a couple of things that I have collected over the years. ¬†Shirts, ball caps, pillows, body wash, numbers (tryst leftovers). ¬†Very low on the list of things I seem to keep are names WITH¬†numbers… This came to bite me in the ass just recently. ¬†I received a text from an unknown number, I of course was hoping it was Mr. Z (more than hoping, holding on); alas it was not. So who could the mystery man be? The list is NOT¬†short of whom it could be. ¬†Unfortunately for me, our waiter at girls dinner heard me exclaiming this fact (more or less in one word… slut). ¬†Even more unfortunate, he was great looking with an amazing accent as well as sense of humor. Girls, and I know you’re reading, we must return to that restaurant for future dinners. I am in need of a phone number and another copper glass ūüėČ

Anyways! The text. It was a very classy re-introduction… HA. ¬†Because I did not have the number saved, my sleuthing began. I responded, that gave away nothing to the persons identity. I attempted to Google search. Nothing. All of my friends were working, so a call to the number could not be made. ¬†The only choice left was to pull out the age old:¬†Oh something happened to my phone and I lost contacts. ¬†Really, if I held on to things, like phone numbers with their names, I would not have this problem. ¬†Well, using that line only halfway works. ¬†I always find out who it is, but usually the lie is only halfway believed. ¬†Turns out, it was Non-Aged Rum, the greenie. ¬†He wanted to hang out, do something. Hmm, wonder what that something was, a tryst? ¬†Honestly, this year/month (we shall see how long it lasts), I have decided that I am not going to play along just to fill a void or get another story. ¬†Boring I know, believe me it won’t last long and I have plenty of stories to fill the void until then!

I decided I was not interested in anything beyond a friendship, let’s be honest really anything. ¬†I am not attracted to guys younger than me, they are emotionally stunted and majorly¬†full of themselves. ¬†So I am not holding on to this one, I am letting his number and name go. ¬†Non-Aged Rum might have been a tall glass of something, but not my cup of tea. ¬†My taste is more of the champagne nature. ¬†Maybe the waiter from the restaurant is my cup of tea… We shall see!

I hate to say it, but I have to go. ¬†My toes are freezing, I am kinda hungry, and my dog is trapped in the crate. ¬†Also, #GossipGirl is distracting me! ¬†Until next time…